Aaaaaa

I can't think of anything clever to say. It is only 3:30 on Sunday afternoon. I feel the need to nap but it is kinda late for that, I wanna scrapbook but my creativity is on hiatus this weekend, I could go outside but it is threatening rain, nothing new on the computer either. Just one of those days.

Sometimes I try to avoid thinking about things that upset me by doing something else entirely. Like thinking about my Dad for instance. If I spend any time at all thinking about how much he has lost over the last year and the fact that it is very possible that he will never be better than he is right at this moment then I get so upset and just bawl. I know that it doesn't do anyone any good to do it and so I try really hard not to dwell on it. He is what he is and despite the changes he has gone through he is still my Dad and he is alive. He can complain all he wants to about what he can't do anymore (and don't you know we hear that alot) but the simple fact that above all he is still with us is what I think about.

Same with my Mom, she has had her own medical ailments over the past 5 years or so, and despite them she is still the strong woman she has always been and that is because she refused to cave to cancer. She is still susceptable to some things that drive me away when she starts in on it, but she is such a strong woman, and having had to take care of Dad recently has been good for her. She may not think so, but I see that she is more willing to step up now.

Another thing I do not dwell on is my brother. He has always been the type of person to carry a chip on his shoulder and even at 35 he is still thinking that the world is out to get him and owes him something. We have not seen eachother since just before Chistmas and haven't spoken since last September. He knows what he has done is wrong and he will be the one to carry that with him. I have washed my hands of him. I don't have the time, energy or patience to take care of anyone else right now. My family and my parents are enough.

The one constant I have in my life and I thank God everyday for pointing out this man to me because without William I would be lost. I probably would not be in any sort of contact with my parents much less working for and taking care of them daily. It is because of him that I am the person I am today. I am strong and he has made me realize it. I may stumble for time to time but he is always there to pick me up. My heart and soul belong to this man forever.

Well all this is pretty heavy reading for a Sunday afternoon so I must get off and find something cheery and bright (like maybe my pillow afterall).